May 2021

#172344134 / gettyimages.com Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.

	Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes?
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.	We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?	What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
	Are you feeding him at all?
	I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.
6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?	Take her to hospital now!
7. I’ll text you to arrange.	I’m never having her for a playdate again.
8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?	Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.
10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?	Oh my goodness, she’s wet.
11. She’s been absolutely fine.	She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.
	Does she ever stop talking?
	Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?
14. How old is he, again?	He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.	If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.
17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?
19. Your children are so sweet together.	Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
21. Thirsty little fella.

#88801529 / gettyimages.com Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life. Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga. 

#172344134 / gettyimages.com Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.

	Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes?
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.	We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?	What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
	Are you feeding him at all?
	I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.
6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?	Take her to hospital now!
7. I’ll text you to arrange.	I’m never having her for a playdate again.
8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?	Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.
10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?	Oh my goodness, she’s wet.
11. She’s been absolutely fine.	She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.
	Does she ever stop talking?
	Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?
14. How old is he, again?	He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.	If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.
17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?
19. Your children are so sweet together.	Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
21. Thirsty little fella.

#88801529 / gettyimages.com Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life. Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga. 

Baby brain is a terrible curse – you find yourself forgetting the most basic thing, like how old your child is. Well, take my simple quiz and find out! 1. You feel like an all-powerful goddess-woman, riding high on a cloud of elation and intense relief. Your child is 1 second old. Your child is one minute old. 3. Seriously. When is this going to stop? Your child is two weeks old. 4. You’re looking for the receipt. You want a refund. Your child is 28 days old. 5. If someone offered you six hours’ sleep you’d give them your house.  Your child is three months’ old. 6. You’re getting clucky. Seriously, who wouldn’t want another one? Beware! This is the ‘Baby’s One LifeBomb’! 7. You have a Cheerios carpet. Your child is 18 months old. 8. Where has my cute baby gone? Your child is two. You may have another baby by now to “dilute the madness”. What have you done? 9. Any day now, he is properly going to drop his nap. You don’t know what to do. 10. You are attending church fervently / considering moving to a small village. Or Sweden. Your child is rising four. 11. On top of all the other stuff you have to do, you now have to do reading books and sponge snot stains off uniform every night. Your child is rising five. 12. You wish he wouldn’t wipe frantically at his cheek when you manage to get a kiss in. 13. Your child will believe anyone before you: teachers, schoolmates, the Tesco lady. Your child is rising seven. 14. You want to freeze time so you can enjoy that perfect, gorgeous, bright little bundle of wonderfulness forever. Your child is the age he is right now. I’m sorry if you have a child over 6, I’m afraid my knowledge doesn’t extend that far yet. But you could always look at the rings under your eyes, like dating a tree. I’m uber-chuffed to be on the Shortlist for the Laugh category in BritMums’ Brilliance in Blogging Awards. If you like my blog, you can vote for it here. Name, email, click next to Wry Mummy, you’re done. Simples! 
Linking up with #PoCoLo here – join in!

#172344134 / gettyimages.com Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.

	Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes?
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.	We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?	What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
	Are you feeding him at all?
	I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.
6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?	Take her to hospital now!
7. I’ll text you to arrange.	I’m never having her for a playdate again.
8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?	Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.
10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?	Oh my goodness, she’s wet.
11. She’s been absolutely fine.	She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.
	Does she ever stop talking?
	Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?
14. How old is he, again?	He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.	If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.
17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?
19. Your children are so sweet together.	Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
21. Thirsty little fella.

#88801529 / gettyimages.com Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life. Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga. 

Baby brain is a terrible curse – you find yourself forgetting the most basic thing, like how old your child is. Well, take my simple quiz and find out! 1. You feel like an all-powerful goddess-woman, riding high on a cloud of elation and intense relief. Your child is 1 second old. Your child is one minute old. 3. Seriously. When is this going to stop? Your child is two weeks old. 4. You’re looking for the receipt. You want a refund. Your child is 28 days old. 5. If someone offered you six hours’ sleep you’d give them your house.  Your child is three months’ old. 6. You’re getting clucky. Seriously, who wouldn’t want another one? Beware! This is the ‘Baby’s One LifeBomb’! 7. You have a Cheerios carpet. Your child is 18 months old. 8. Where has my cute baby gone? Your child is two. You may have another baby by now to “dilute the madness”. What have you done? 9. Any day now, he is properly going to drop his nap. You don’t know what to do. 10. You are attending church fervently / considering moving to a small village. Or Sweden. Your child is rising four. 11. On top of all the other stuff you have to do, you now have to do reading books and sponge snot stains off uniform every night. Your child is rising five. 12. You wish he wouldn’t wipe frantically at his cheek when you manage to get a kiss in. 13. Your child will believe anyone before you: teachers, schoolmates, the Tesco lady. Your child is rising seven. 14. You want to freeze time so you can enjoy that perfect, gorgeous, bright little bundle of wonderfulness forever. Your child is the age he is right now. I’m sorry if you have a child over 6, I’m afraid my knowledge doesn’t extend that far yet. But you could always look at the rings under your eyes, like dating a tree. I’m uber-chuffed to be on the Shortlist for the Laugh category in BritMums’ Brilliance in Blogging Awards. If you like my blog, you can vote for it here. Name, email, click next to Wry Mummy, you’re done. Simples! 
Linking up with #PoCoLo here – join in!

Baby brain is a terrible curse – you find yourself forgetting the most basic thing, like how old your child is. Well, take my simple quiz and find out! 1. You feel like an all-powerful goddess-woman, riding high on a cloud of elation and intense relief. Your child is 1 second old. Your child is one minute old. 3. Seriously. When is this going to stop? Your child is two weeks old. 4. You’re looking for the receipt. You want a refund. Your child is 28 days old. 5. If someone offered you six hours’ sleep you’d give them your house.  Your child is three months’ old. 6. You’re getting clucky. Seriously, who wouldn’t want another one? Beware! This is the ‘Baby’s One LifeBomb’! 7. You have a Cheerios carpet. Your child is 18 months old. 8. Where has my cute baby gone? Your child is two. You may have another baby by now to “dilute the madness”. What have you done? 9. Any day now, he is properly going to drop his nap. You don’t know what to do. 10. You are attending church fervently / considering moving to a small village. Or Sweden. Your child is rising four. 11. On top of all the other stuff you have to do, you now have to do reading books and sponge snot stains off uniform every night. Your child is rising five. 12. You wish he wouldn’t wipe frantically at his cheek when you manage to get a kiss in. 13. Your child will believe anyone before you: teachers, schoolmates, the Tesco lady. Your child is rising seven. 14. You want to freeze time so you can enjoy that perfect, gorgeous, bright little bundle of wonderfulness forever. Your child is the age he is right now. I’m sorry if you have a child over 6, I’m afraid my knowledge doesn’t extend that far yet. But you could always look at the rings under your eyes, like dating a tree. I’m uber-chuffed to be on the Shortlist for the Laugh category in BritMums’ Brilliance in Blogging Awards. If you like my blog, you can vote for it here. Name, email, click next to Wry Mummy, you’re done. Simples! 
Linking up with #PoCoLo here – join in!

#172344134 / gettyimages.com Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.

	Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes?
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.	We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?	What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
	Are you feeding him at all?
	I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.
6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?	Take her to hospital now!
7. I’ll text you to arrange.	I’m never having her for a playdate again.
8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?	Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.
10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?	Oh my goodness, she’s wet.
11. She’s been absolutely fine.	She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.
	Does she ever stop talking?
	Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?
14. How old is he, again?	He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.	If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.
17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?
19. Your children are so sweet together.	Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
21. Thirsty little fella.

#88801529 / gettyimages.com Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life. Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga. 

Baby brain is a terrible curse – you find yourself forgetting the most basic thing, like how old your child is. Well, take my simple quiz and find out! 1. You feel like an all-powerful goddess-woman, riding high on a cloud of elation and intense relief. Your child is 1 second old. Your child is one minute old. 3. Seriously. When is this going to stop? Your child is two weeks old. 4. You’re looking for the receipt. You want a refund. Your child is 28 days old. 5. If someone offered you six hours’ sleep you’d give them your house.  Your child is three months’ old. 6. You’re getting clucky. Seriously, who wouldn’t want another one? Beware! This is the ‘Baby’s One LifeBomb’! 7. You have a Cheerios carpet. Your child is 18 months old. 8. Where has my cute baby gone? Your child is two. You may have another baby by now to “dilute the madness”. What have you done? 9. Any day now, he is properly going to drop his nap. You don’t know what to do. 10. You are attending church fervently / considering moving to a small village. Or Sweden. Your child is rising four. 11. On top of all the other stuff you have to do, you now have to do reading books and sponge snot stains off uniform every night. Your child is rising five. 12. You wish he wouldn’t wipe frantically at his cheek when you manage to get a kiss in. 13. Your child will believe anyone before you: teachers, schoolmates, the Tesco lady. Your child is rising seven. 14. You want to freeze time so you can enjoy that perfect, gorgeous, bright little bundle of wonderfulness forever. Your child is the age he is right now. I’m sorry if you have a child over 6, I’m afraid my knowledge doesn’t extend that far yet. But you could always look at the rings under your eyes, like dating a tree. I’m uber-chuffed to be on the Shortlist for the Laugh category in BritMums’ Brilliance in Blogging Awards. If you like my blog, you can vote for it here. Name, email, click next to Wry Mummy, you’re done. Simples! 
Linking up with #PoCoLo here – join in!

#172344134 / gettyimages.com Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.

	Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes?
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.	We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?	What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
	Are you feeding him at all?
	I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.
6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?	Take her to hospital now!
7. I’ll text you to arrange.	I’m never having her for a playdate again.
8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?	Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.
10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?	Oh my goodness, she’s wet.
11. She’s been absolutely fine.	She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.
	Does she ever stop talking?
	Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?
14. How old is he, again?	He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.	If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.
17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?
19. Your children are so sweet together.	Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
21. Thirsty little fella.

#88801529 / gettyimages.com Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life. Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga. 

#172344134 / gettyimages.com Humans are a kindly breed, generally. They rarely say what they think to your face, above all if it’s about your children. But through years of experience, I have decoded a few popular phrases uttered in the direction of your offspring.

	Is it a boy or a girl? Where are its eyes?
2. We are a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.	We are not a child-friendly pub / restaurant / café / museum.
3. Oof, she’s a heavy one, isn’t she?	What’s in your boobs, chocolate milk?
	Are you feeding him at all?
	I’m not sorry at all. Your child blatantly just hit mine.
6. Bit snuffly, isn’t she?	Take her to hospital now!
7. I’ll text you to arrange.	I’m never having her for a playdate again.
8. He’s very sensitive, isn’t he?
9. They’re very lively, aren’t they?	Seriously, if they don’t stop jumping round my furniture, I’m going to kick you out.
10. She’s very shy, isn’t she?	Oh my goodness, she’s wet.
11. She’s been absolutely fine.	She’s taken my house to pieces and made everyone cry. Don’t ever darken my doorstep again.
	Does she ever stop talking?
	Are you the most irresponsible mother ever?
14. How old is he, again?	He’s a shortarse, isn’t he?
16. We are all about encouraging children to read.	If your children don’t stop running round the library, I’m calling the police.
17. She’s a good girl, isn’t she?
18. He’s really bright, isn’t he?
19. Your children are so sweet together.	Are you going to intervene before they kill each other or what?
21. Thirsty little fella.

#88801529 / gettyimages.com Obviously, many people say these things and mean exactly what they say, bless their hearts. For the others, smile sweetly – and avoid them for the rest of your life. Parenting: Then and Now. Then: baby bent over. Now: he does baby yoga.